summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's official drugs can't kill me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
