Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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