hell yes lets make some ravioli
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
