I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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