I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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