We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
what day is it and did you see me today?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
