At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
