SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
