You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Randomize
