he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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