I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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