So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
