Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
