I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
false alarm. still invincible.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
