he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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