Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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