I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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