peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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