sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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