shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
