He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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