I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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