i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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