planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
