You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
