I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
