i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
