if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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