Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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