she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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