so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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