the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
