is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
