Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
