She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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