I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
