matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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