My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
