So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think people are normalizing furries
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
