i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
