david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
