I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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