his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
