Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
