I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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