this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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