everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
