I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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