i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
