I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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