If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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